The me from my pre-parenthood days would be appalled at how much of a crybaby I’ve become.  The pre-kid me was tough, who ordered around big hulking teamsters and stunt coordinators for a living.  I dealt with unruly actors.  I’ve had liquor bottles thrown at me by prostitutes and have been screamed at by people who have lost their minds from years of alcohol and drug abuse while shooting films in parts of cities that most people avoid like the plague.  I’ve worked with lions, and tigers and bears.    

With my first pregnancy came sciatica and then some ordered bed rest.  I found myself confined to my bed with the remote, and some books.  As I flipped through channels I realized I couldn’t watch any news stories to do with kids being hurt.  Nor could I get through a Hallmark commercial without crying.  Not much has changed. 

On the morning drive to camp I burst into tears while Katy Perry’s “Firework” played on the radio.  My kids were alarmed and wanted to know what was wrong.  “When kids are mean to you, I want you to remember this song,” I wailed.  Pathetic I know.  I was embarrassed for me too. 

 There are times when I find myself on the verge of tears that seem justifiable.  Recently my son climbed in my lap and cried because he missed a friend who’s moved away.  There was nothing I could do but hold him and let him cry.  Seeing him in pain made me want to cry (I didn't). 

 I have cried in every Pixar movie except “Cars” and it’s sequel.  I cry when I hear poignant sad songs.  I cried when Christian the lion was reunited with his trainers.  I used to try not cry in front of my kids, worried that it might upset them.   But the more I thought about it the more I realized really I just have a very hard time being that vulnerable in front of anyone.   While I don’t do the full on sob fest in front of my kids, I do that privately, I don’t try and hide the tears from the little things.  It’s okay to cry, and be vulnerable.  It doesn’t mean you’re weak.

Last night my husband and I felt our daughter was old enough to watch “Ponette’ with us.  I bawled the whole time.