Agreed. My son umped several years back...said some coaches and parents in the stands were verbally abusive.

When a parent of a player or team coach yells at a 9th grader, something is amiss.

That coach should be removed as a coach for 3 games and the parent of the player banned from attending for 3 games.

Millburn [travel] soccer allows a field ref to require an offending coach or parent to leave the field...continued problems will result in permanent barring from games.

I have been a Manager in Millburn Short Hills Youth Baseball for 8 years. The situation you discribed should not be tolerated. I do see an occasional over zealuos coach, but I believe it is a very rare occurance to have a coach yelling at an umpire. I have been extremely happy with my association with MSHYB and my kids have loved going through the program.
Please report this incident to a league official and they will take it very seriously.

I agree with Matt Stewart wholeheartedly. This is my second year as a certified coach in the league and while a team of 9,10 and 11 year old boys can be trying, it is the adults that make the whole little league experience almost unbearable. If my kid didn't love to play (much to his lacrosse coaching father's chagrin), I would gladly avoid Gero Park. -Marisa Christmas

Thank you to Matt Stewart for taking the time to write about the experience. Last year during a play off game parents witnessed a chain manager (also an Officer of Day on occasion as a board member) come out of the dugout during the innings and "coach" (and try to intimidate) a 15 or 16 year old ump. He continued to do this throughout the game, not happy with the calls made for his kid's team. A parent brought this up to the player advocate and it was brought to the attention of the board as it was in complete violation of the MSHYB by-laws. Guess what? Several board members verbally agreed that the manager was in violation and it was not in the spirit of MSHYB, but nothing was done. By the way, (not surprising) his kid's team won the game by one run and he walked away having accomplished what was most important to him, bringing his team one game closer to become champs. All the board needed to do was ask the teen ump about how the chain manager interacted with him during the game to get an answer, however, instead they opted to do nothing. (How can the MSHYB board ignore the rules even if one of their own violates them?). Lots of interested players leave the league because they feel the parents take the fun out of it. I agree there are lots of good, positive interactions going on too (and dedicated, fair coaches) yet, zero tolerance for the inappropriate ones must be the standard.

Good article, Matt Stewart ~~ Our kids learn more by our actions than our words. But those hurtful and angry words speak volumes too! We're setting examples for proper behavior .. .if we bully, so will our kids. What if these sad situations are those that "make the memory" for kids who played MSHYB ? Thank you to all those readers here who commented on this situation.

While I'm sure the behavior was inappropriate, one solution is to stop having children umpiring the games. Most simply can't handle it and/or don't receive proper training. The umpiring this year has been absolutely atrocious. Kids don't know the rules, aren't expected to enforce certain rules and/or can't keep track of the game. Add to all of that frustrated coaches, players and fans and it is a disaster waiting to happen. All levels should have professional umpires (like Level 7 does) and that would minimize the incidents.

I have ump'd for Millburn Little League in the past and can attest that the worst part of the league is the parents who decide not to be role models for their children. Kids can miss balls, umps can miss calls, but handle the situation like an adult and not a heckling hooligan. Remember, the purpose of little league is for the kids to have fun. At the end of the day, that's all that matters and if parents cannot behave like adults and supporters, they shouldn't be allowed at the diamond.

I forgot to say great article, Matt. You hit the nail right on the head. Great points and views.

Umping is tough. Every coach and manager should ump a game so they can realize that it is a difficult, thankless task. I had to ump a Level 1 team years back and a few moms screamed at me for possibly missing a close call at 1B.

Managers and coaches should also be responsible for the actions of the parents of their players and should be confident enough to tell a parent to be quiet or hit the road.

Kudos to Matt Stewart for this thoughtful and spot on article. We are losing quality kids and entire families because of all the poor bahavior and sportsmanship displayed by a few bad apples on the field. Simple solution. The league should institute a zero tolerance policy. Argue with an umpire or another coach you are gone. Maybe these coaches who can't control themselves will think twice about opening their mouth. Let's clean up this despicable behavior once and for all and restore civility and good sportsmanship to our outstanding community.

My son plays for the "highest level" within the MSHYB system and as such his teams employ adult umpires. The problem is not the umpires. The real problem is the coaches! More than a few of the coaches are overzealous, abusive bullies. For example, last Saturday my son twisted his ankle while warming up for "an important game". When I arrived at Gero, he He was in tears. I ran for an ice pack from the snack bar and applied it to his swollen ankle. There were three (3) coaches standing by and they did absolutely nothing for their injured player! When I attempted to escort my son from the dugout, the coaches refused to let him go. The lead coach screamed at me..."I coach football..I'm tough!" He demanded that his players be "tough". My son stayed for that game but I have since withdrawn him from the League.

The problem is that the leadership of MSHYB is unwilling to set a code of behavior and **enforce** it. Until that happens, some parents will continue to abuse, bully, and taunt on the ball field.

I have been involved with the MSHYB for many years. Overall, the coaching and parenting is very good. I am currently coaching at a lower level and had very positive experiences with all 8 teams. Over the years I have seen a few bad apples that needed to be addressed (I have witnessed and addressed a few adults after going after a kid ump). I tell the kids that umpires will likely make several "wrong" calls each game - but they are doing their best. In general, most coaches are volunteering to help kids learn the game and to learn to be good teammates. If there are issues, they can be addressed via the appropriate league channels. If you see bad behavior, say something. Be a good role model and it will be good for all. The "tone from the top" comes from parents and coaches. In general, the tone is very positive.

I wish I could agree with your observations but I do not. Unfortunately, I think the incidence of unsportsmanlike conduct on the part of coaches and managers is pervasive...and that the league does not have an appropriate policy framework to root it out. An 8 year old child on my team was suspended for a game for unsportsmanlike conduct. Managers and coaches are not subject to the same standards. My son plays travel soccer. Referees have the authority to eject parents and coaches for unsportsmanlike conduct. Step One - a warning. Step Two - your gone. I saw 3 parents ejected at a tournament this weekend. Why? Because the soccer leagues have figured it out. They will not tolerate this kind of toxic culture.

In my view...all coaches should be forbidden from talking to an umpire to contest a call. Only the Team Manager should have this role. Any coach who argues with an umpire should be warned...then removed. Any Manager who talks to an umpire should do so to seek clarification. If they argue...they should be tossed...just like a Major League Hitter who argues balls and strikes. If a player, manager or coach are tossed after their one warning...they should be suspended for a game. If they repeat offend. 3 games. If they offend again...gone from managing/coaching. Too many people I see on the diamond think that the strategic objective of Little League is to win chamionships for their team or chain. I see it as something completely different. To me...Little League is a facility to teach children baseball fundamentals, life skills and above all else...to have a good time. Do you want to compete hard and try to win the game? Of course...but never at the expense of decorum and sportsmanship.

And this, I feel, is the elephant in the room that MSHYB needs to come to grips with.

Finally...Team Managers should also be charged with policing their team parents...with the authority to remove parents from the sidelines. Soccer teams have SAGE reps (Set A Good Example) who have the power to discipline parnets who act outside of the Code of Conduct. MSHYB is behind the curve on this issue v. other sports. I wish it were not the case...

I would agree...70% of the folks at Gero "get it"...but 30% do not...lose their heads...or obsess over winning...these are teapot despots the league needs to crack down upon...people who think Little League is their personal play room and their children...toy soldiers...to be moved around so that the Skipper can lay claim to VICTORY...heck...some of these guys actually do advanced scouting for the draft...is this not a signal that maybe it all gets taken a bit too seriously?

Anyway...that is my view...a view I plan to advance further with the league. judging by the reponses I have had the past two days. Most reasonable people seem to agree with what I have said here...maybe some heads need to roll for the culture to change? who knows? ty for your comment

The no-kids-in-the-system thing really irks me. I hated it when my kids had a chain manager whose kids had aged out 20 years ago. They should institute a rule that adult coaches, chain managers, and board members must resign five years after their youngest participating child has aged out. That would still leave room for more experienced leadership, but would ensure that MSHYB doesn't become an outlet for "adult children."

Why is it "youth baseball" and not "little league"? I'm too lazy to google it. However, I'll wager the explanation reflects badly upon the people running it and their overall "vision" for baseball in this town is deeply flawed.

As there is so much disillusionment with this organization, why don't the unhappy player families ask the Rec Dept to set up a competing Little League? That way it would be like town soccer -- either you play Rec or Travel team or for some diehards, both. Everyone will know Travel is more cut throat and enroll accordingly.

I spent 25 years in MSHLL/MSHYB as a coach, manager, board member, player agent and travel team manager. Regarding all the comments above, "I've been there, done that" and "seen it all". What people forget or fail to recognize is that the program runs due to the efforts of a few hard working, dedicated and unselfish individuals. These civil servants provide the framework and the opportunity for as many as 700 children each year to participate in a team sport that creates life long memories and experiences. There will always be "over the top" parents and coaches. Focus on the positive and enjoy your time watching your kids play. It goes very fast.

Here, here Steve! Let's start a thread that talks about how hard it is to get parents to coach! I applaud those who raise their hands and dedicate hours upon hours to coach these children. Thank you for speaking up.

The "good" coaches will calmly educate the umps as the season goes along. When a bad call is made or a rule is not followed the coach either calls time out and has a quiet talk telling the ump the correct ruling while not expecting him to change the call, or better yet calmly talk to the ump after the game and help him understand the the mistake that was made and how to better make that call in the future. These are bright kids that learn quickly, IF, they're treated with respect and dignity.
A major problem up and down the levels (even amongst many "North" coaches) is the vast majority do not know the game they're coaching nor have the knowledge to properly teach kids how to throw, hit, field, run the bases, and know situations. They wear the gear and talk the lingo and carry themselves like they know what they're doing, but don't. That said, I do know of a few North coaches that really do know the game and teach it well. Those teams usually always make it to family day no matter how talented they are. Once past the first couple of levels managers are usually picked on friendships, not knowledge. I've seen many a Dad that played HS baseball be passed over as manager for the investment banker that barely made it through LL themselves. The ump screamers are usually men that are used to getting their way at work and at home and just lose it when they don't get their way on the field. They also feel they need that call to win a game because truth be told, they are incompetent.

"The ump screamers are usually men that are used to getting their way at work and at home and just lose it when they don't get their way on the field. They also feel they need that call to win a game because truth be told, they are incompetent."

Best line 10yearmiller, you are absolutely right.

Susan-Sorry that your son had a bad experience.In fairness to mshyb I had the exact opposite experience.A few years back for the first time in his little league career neither my wife nor I was at Gero for my sons game.As luck had it a mishap occurred and my son ended up needing stitches.My co-coaches in the Falcon chain treated my son like their own. Chain Manager Garry Butter was his usual great self.The OD Manny Fontaina handled the situation like a trained professional.The only time my son got upset during the whole ordeal was when he was told by the plastic surgeon that he could not play ball the next day.There are plenty of wonderful "volunteers"involved in MSHYB.

Well put Matt - agreed. I have coached baseball for several years now and some of us take this too personal and too far. This is a good wake up call. It is really neat having kid umps. It is something our young players can aspire to - experiencing a fellow kid make calls with authority and respect is something for our our players to look up to and value. Both coaches and our players should be more educated on the role and respect to be given to umps. All good - let's learn from this unfortunate incident and build it into our play books moving forwawrd. Millburn has a very special youth baseball league which many of our surrounding towns envy - let's keep it that way. Greg L.