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Health & Fitness

Back-to-school anxiety: It's not just for kids!

A few months ago I wrote a column about how parents can cope with their anxiety about their kids’ summer camp experiences. As the start of the school year approaches, I thought I would write about how parents can cope with back-to-school anxiety…not their kids’ back-to-school anxiety, but their own! Oftentimes, parents are more concerned about how their kids will fare in the upcoming school year than their kids are. I’ve worked with parents who lose sleep over their kids’ impending transition, while their kids sleep peacefully!

A few things to think about regarding the transition back-to-school:

1.    Ask yourself: Am I more anxious about this than my kid(s)?

If the answer is “yes,” it’s time to take a step back and consider your anxiety. Is it appropriate, given the situation? If your kids are relatively confident in their ability to handle the transition, shouldn’t you be relatively confident, too? After all, it’s your kids who will actually be at school, not you!

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2.    Use the “worst case scenario” technique

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I explained this technique when I wrote about summer camp anxiety. It will work equally well with back-to-school anxiety. Here’s a refresher:

Ask yourself three simple questions:

- What is the worst-case scenario?

- What is the likelihood that this worst-case scenario will occur?

- Could I manage the worst-case scenario if it occurred?

 Here’s an example:

  • What is the worst-case scenario?

Worst-case scenario is that my daughter is miserable because all of her friends were put in another class. She clams up in class because her friends are not with her, and refuses to participate.

  • What is the likelihood that this worst-case scenario will occur?

Fairly low. In thinking about it, I realize that my daughter is more adaptable than I give her credit for. She did a soccer camp this summer and didn’t know anyone, and ended up enjoying herself and making new friends. I’d like to think that this will be the case at school, too.

  • Could I manage the worst-case scenario if it occurred?

If she was really miserable, I suppose I could see if her class could be switched. A girlfriend of mine got her son’s class switched a few years ago. I suppose I could also encourage her to try to befriend some of her new classmates, and invite them over for playdates.

After doing this exercise, you will hopefully find that the worst case scenario you feared is unlikely and/or more manageable than you originally thought.

3.    Use imagery to cope with your worries

A great way to manage worry is to use imagery. Imagine that you have all of your worries about the school year in front of you. Take those worries representing things you cannot prepare for (i.e. Is my child going to succeed in his new classroom?), and put them in an imaginary box. Place a lid on the box, and push it away from you. Only hold on to those worries that you can prepare for and respond to in the moment. And work with those. For example, if your child needs special accommodations at school, speak with his guidance counselor or learning specialist to make sure the appropriate accommodations are in place. Needless to say, your time is much better spent focusing on things you can actually change!

4.    Teach these techniques to your kids!

If you find your kids are experiencing more than the typical back-to-school jitters, share these techniques with your kids. Cognitive-behavioral techniques work for kids as well as adults! And of course, if you’re finding that your kids are having significant difficulty coping with the transition, you can always seek the help of a licensed psychologist who specializes in working with children.

Dr. Dobrow DiMarco is a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in cognitive-behavioral therapy for anxiety. In addition to maintaining a private practice in Millburn, she is the Assistant Director of the Rutgers Anxiety Disorders Clinic. For more information about Dr. Dobrow DiMarco, see her website: http://www.njcbt.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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