It's the Summertime! So Why am I Anxious?!?!

It’s almost summer! Time for barbecues! And swim parties! And lazy afternoons spent basking in the sun!

Summertime is fun time!

Right. Right?

Here’s the thing about the summer, though. Usually, people’s routines get upended in the summer. Kids aren’t in school and may be away from home for several weeks (or even several months). Work schedules may become lighter or more flexible. Families may go away on vacation, sometimes for long periods of time. 

And with disruptions in routine comes anxiety. All of a sudden, we don’t have control over every minute of our day. We can’t predict what tomorrow will bring, and therefore we can’t prepare for it.

In my next two blog posts, I will be sharing tips for managing summer anxiety. Today’s post will feature some general advice. Next post will be devoted to anxiety about kids being away from home (so if you have any questions or thoughts about this, don’t hesitate to contact me! dimarco@njcbt.com; http://www.njcbt.com)

1. Establish a routine when you can

Whenever possible, create a routine for yourself, even if it is an “artificial” one. It can be very anxiety-provoking to wake up in the morning and look forward to a completely unstructured, unplanned day.  Try setting a schedule for yourself the night before. It doesn’t have to be an hour-by-hour schedule, but it should provide you with enough structure so that you don’t feel overwhelmed when you wake up.

2. Be willing to take a vacation from control

It may help to think of your vacation as a “vacation from control.” It is very easy to control every aspect of your life (and your partner’s and kids’ lives) when you’re at home, on familiar turf, and everyone in your family is at work/school. But as soon as you step away from home and away from familiar territory, your control evaporates. Daily activities, meals, and bedtimes become harder to negotiate. 

Rather than try to impose control on what is essentially an uncontrollable situation, let yourself take a “control vacation.” If this means you can’t work out as much as you’d like, or your kids are on a steady diet of Lucky Charms for a week, so be it. Don’t spend your time agonizing over your lack of productivity. Instead, accept your circumstances and try to relish the relative quiet. Remember that you will be returning to your regularly scheduled life soon enough!

3. Recognize that “vacation” is not synonymous with “relaxation.” 

Let me illustrate this concept with a personal story. When I was a kid, I took an annual summer vacation with my parents and two older siblings to Long Beach Island. Here’s a snapshot of our car trip down and back: my brother is blasting Bruce Springsteen on his Walkman to try to drown out the showtunes playing on the car stereo. He is also periodically hitting my sister, when he feels that she is belting out the showtunes too loudly. My sister is responding by begging my parents to please get my brother to stop hitting her. I, the youngest, am whining every 5 minutes about having to sit in the nausea-inducing rear-facing seat. 

Sound relaxing to you? My parents are still scarred from it.

If you’re looking for a low-stress, relaxing vacation, you might not find it if you’re traveling with a big family. Some tips for navigating big family trips?

• Manage expectations. Go into the vacation expecting some chaos.

• Carve out as much time for yourself as you can. Can you schedule some “me time” into your trip? Even if it’s a quick walk alone outside or trip to see a great summer movie, it will help rejuvenate you (in time to deal with the next family squabble).

• Plan ahead as much as possible to minimize stress. Back in the days when I traveled to LBI with my family, there was no internet to help educate us about restaurants and attractions. We had to get to LBI and then “wing it.” And “winging it” could be stressful, when my two siblings and I all wanted to eat different things and see different sites. Now, thanks to the internet, you can plan out your meals and destinations ahead of time. At the very least, you can get a sense of the options available to you, which will make it easier to make decisions in the moment.

Dr. Dobrow DiMarco is a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in cognitive-behavioral therapy for anxiety. In addition to maintaining a private practice in Millburn, she is the Assistant Director of the Rutgers Anxiety Disorders Clinic. For more information about Dr. Dobrow DiMarco, see her website: http://www.njcbt.com